The Book of Dragons Read online

  II. Uncle James, or The Purple Stranger

  The Princess and the gardener's boy were playing in the backyard.

  "What will you do when you grow up, Princess?" asked the gardener's boy.

  "I should like to marry you, Tom," said the Princess. "Would you mind?"

  "No," said the gardener's boy. "I shouldn't mind much. I'll marry you ifyou like--if I have time."

  For the gardener's boy meant, as soon as he was grown up, to be ageneral and a poet and a Prime Minister and an admiral and a civilengineer. Meanwhile, he was top of all his classes at school, andtip-top of the geography class.

  As for the Princess Mary Ann, she was a very good little girl, andeveryone loved her. She was always kind and polite, even to her UncleJames and to other people whom she did not like very much; and thoughshe was not very clever, for a Princess, she always tried to do herlessons. Even if you know perfectly well that you can't do your lessons,you may as well try, and sometimes you find that by some fortunateaccident they really _are_ done. Then the Princess had a truly goodheart: She was always kind to her pets. She never slapped herhippopotamus when it broke her dolls in its playful gambols, and shenever forgot to feed her rhinoceroses in their little hutch in thebackyard. Her elephant was devoted to her, and sometimes Mary Ann madeher nurse quite cross by smuggling the dear little thing up to bed withher and letting it go to sleep with its long trunk laid lovingly acrossher throat, and its pretty head cuddled under the Royal right ear.

  When the Princess had been good all through the week--for, like allreal, live, nice children, she was sometimes naughty, but neverbad--Nurse would allow her to ask her little friends to come onWednesday morning early and spend the day, because Wednesday is the endof the week in that country. Then, in the afternoon, when all the littledukes and duchesses and marquises and countesses had finished their ricepudding and had had their hands and faces washed after it, Nurse wouldsay: "Now, my dears, what would you like to do this afternoon?" just asif she didn't know. And the answer would be always the same:

  "Oh, do let's go to the Zoological Gardens and ride on the big guineapig and feed the rabbits and hear the dormouse asleep."

  So their pinafores were taken off and they all went to the ZoologicalGardens, where twenty of them could ride at a time on the guinea pig,and where even the little ones could feed the great rabbits if somegrown-up person were kind enough to lift them up for the purpose.

  There always was some such person, because in Rotundia everybody waskind--except one.

  Now that you have read as far as this you know, of course, that theKingdom of Rotundia was a very remarkable place; and if you are athoughtful child--as of course you are--you will not need me to tell youwhat was the most remarkable thing about it. But in case you are not athoughtful child--and it is just possible of course that you are not--Iwill tell you at once what that most remarkable thing was. _All theanimals were the wrong sizes!_ And this was how it happened.

  In old, old, olden times, when all our world was just loose earth andair and fire and water mixed up anyhow like a pudding, and spinningaround like mad trying to get the different things to settle into theirproper places, a round piece of earth got loose and went spinning awayby itself across the water, which was just beginning to try to getspread out smooth into a real sea. And as the great round piece of earthflew away, going around and around as hard as it could, it met a longpiece of hard rock that had got loose from another part of the puddingymixture, and the rock was so hard, and was going so fast, that it ranits point through the round piece of earth and stuck out on the otherside of it, so that the two together were like a very-very-much-too-bigspinning top.

  I am afraid all this is very dull, but you know geography is never quitelively, and after all, I must give you a little information even in afairy tale--like the powder in jam.

  Well, when the pointed rock smashed into the round bit of earth theshock was so great that it set them spinning together through theair--which was just getting into its proper place, like all the rest ofthe things--only, as luck would have it, they forgot which way aroundthey had been going, and began to spin around the wrong way. PresentlyCenter of Gravity--a great giant who was managing the wholebusiness--woke up in the middle of the earth and began to grumble.

  "Hurry up," he said. "Come down and lie still, can't you?"

  So the rock with the round piece of earth fell into the sea, and thepoint of the rock went into a hole that just fitted it in the stony seabottom, and there it spun around the wrong way seven times and then laystill. And that round piece of land became, after millions of years, theKingdom of Rotundia.

  This is the end of the geography lesson. And now for just a littlenatural history, so that we may not feel that we are quite wasting ourtime. Of course, the consequence of the island having spun around thewrong way was that when the animals began to grow on the island they allgrew the wrong sizes. The guinea pig, as you know, was as big as ourelephants, and the elephant--dear little pet--was the size of the silly,tiny, black-and-tan dogs that ladies carry sometimes in their muffs. Therabbits were about the size of our rhinoceroses, and all about the wildparts of the island they had made their burrows as big as railwaytunnels. The dormouse, of course, was the biggest of all the creatures.I can't tell you how big he was. Even if you think of elephants it willnot help you at all. Luckily there was only one of him, and he wasalways asleep. Otherwise I don't think the Rotundians could have bornewith him. As it was, they made him a house, and it saved the expense ofa brass band, because no band could possibly have been heard when thedormouse was talking in his sleep.

  The men and women and children in this wonderful island were quite theright size, because their ancestors had come over with the Conquerorlong after the island had settled down and the animals grown on it.

  Now the natural history lesson is over, and if you have been attending,you know more about Rotundia than anyone there did, except three people:the Lord Chief Schoolmaster, the Princess's uncle--who was a magician,and knew everything without learning it--and Tom, the gardener's son.

  Tom had learned more at school than anyone else, because he wished totake a prize. The prize offered by the Lord Chief Schoolmaster was a_History of Rotundia_, beautifully bound, with the Royal arms on theback. But after that day when the Princess said she meant to marry Tom,the gardener's boy thought it over, and he decided that the best prizein the world would be the Princess, and this was the prize Tom meant totake; and when you are a gardener's son and have decided to marry aPrincess, you will find that the more you learn at school the better.

  The Princess always played with Tom on the days when the little dukesand marquises did not come to tea--and when he told her he was almostsure of the first prize, she clapped her hands and said: "Dear Tom, deargood, clever Tom, you deserve all the prizes. And I will give you my petelephant--and you can keep him till we're married."

  The pet elephant was called Fido, and the gardener's son took him awayin his coat pocket. He was the dearest little elephant you eversaw--about six inches long. But he was very, very wise--he could nothave been wiser if he had been a mile high. He lay down comfortably inTom's pocket, and when Tom put in his hand, Fido curled his little trunkaround Tom's fingers with an affectionate confidence that made the boy'sheart warm to his new little pet. What with the elephant, and thePrincess's affection, and the knowledge that the very next day he wouldreceive the _History of Rotundia_, beautifully bound, with the Royalarms on the cover, Tom could hardly sleep a wink. And, besides, the dogdid bark so terribly. There was only one dog in Rotundia--the kingdomcould not afford to keep more than one: He was a Mexican lapdog of thekind that in most parts of the world only measures seven inches from theend of his dear nose to the tip of his darling tail--but in Rotundia hewas bigger than I can possibly expect you to believe. And when hebarked, his bark was so large that it filled up all the night and leftno room for sleep or dreams or polite conversation, or anything else atall. He never barked at things that went on in the island--he was toolarge-minded for that; but when ships went blundering by in the dark,tumbling over the rocks at the end of the island, he would bark once ortwice, just to let the ships know that they couldn't come playing aboutthere just as they liked.

  But on this particular night he barked and barked and barked--and thePrincess said, "Oh dear, oh dear, I wish he wouldn't, I am so sleepy."And Tom said to himself, "I wonder whatever is the matter. As soon asit's light I'll go and see."

  So when it began to be pretty pink-and-yellow daylight, Tom got up andwent out. And all the time the Mexican lapdog barked so that the housesshook, and the tiles on the roof of the palace rattled like milk cans ina cart whose horse is frisky.

  "I'll go to the pillar," thought Tom, as he went through the town. Thepillar, of course, was the top of the piece of rock that had stuckitself through Rotundia millions of years before, and made it spinaround the wrong way. It was quite in the middle of the island, andstuck up ever so far, and when you were at the top you could see a greatdeal farther than when you were not.

  As Tom went out from the town and across the downs, he thought what apretty sight it was to see the rabbits in the bright, dewy morning,frisking with their young ones by the mouths of their burrows. He didnot go very near the rabbits, of course, because when a rabbit of thatsize is at play it does not always look where it is going, and it mighteasily have crushed Tom with its foot, and then it would have been verysorry afterward. And Tom was a kind boy, and would not have liked tomake even a rabbit unhappy. Earwigs in our country often get out of theway when they think you are going to walk on them. They too have kindhearts, and they would not like you to be sorry afterward.

  So Tom went on, looking at the rabbits and watching the morning growmore and more red and golden. And the Mexican lapdog barked all thetime, till the church bells tinkled, and the chimney of the applefactory rocked again.

  But when Tom got to the pillar, he saw that he would not need to climbto the top to find out what the dog was barking at.

  For there, by the pillar, lay a very large purple dragon. His wings werelike old purple umbrellas that have been very much rained on, and hishead was large and bald, like the top of a purple toadstool, and histail, which was purple too, was very, very, very long and thin andtight, like the lash of a carriage whip.

  It was licking one of its purple umbrella-y wings, and every now andthen it moaned and leaned its head back against the rocky pillar asthough it felt faint. Tom saw at once what had happened. A flight ofpurple dragons must have crossed the island in the night, and this poorone must have knocked its wing and broken it against the pillar.

  Everyone is kind to everyone in Rotundia, and Tom was not afraid of thedragon, although he had never spoken to one before. He had often watchedthem flying across the sea, but he had never expected to get to know onepersonally.

  So now he said: "I am afraid you don't feel quite well."

  The dragon shook his large purple head. He could not speak, but like allother animals, he could understand well enough when he liked.

  "Can I get you anything?" asked Tom, politely.

  The dragon opened his purple eyes with an inquiring smile.

  "A bun or two, now," said Tom, coaxingly. "There's a beautiful bun treequite close."

  The dragon opened a great purple mouth and licked his purple lips, soTom ran and shook the bun tree, and soon came back with an armful offresh currant buns, and as he came he picked a few of the Bath kind,which grow on the low bushes near the pillar.

  Because, of course, another consequence of the island's having spun thewrong way is that all the things we have to make--buns and cakes andshortbread--grow on trees and bushes, but in Rotundia they have to maketheir cauliflowers and cabbages and carrots and apples and onions, justas our cooks make puddings and turnovers.

  Tom gave all the buns to the dragon, saying: "Here, try to eat a little.You'll soon feel better then."

  The dragon ate up the buns, nodded rather ungraciously, and began tolick his wing again. So Tom left him and went back to the town with thenews, and everyone was so excited at a real live dragon's being on theisland--a thing that had never happened before--that they all went outto look at it, instead of going to the prize-giving, and the Lord ChiefSchoolmaster went with the rest. Now, he had Tom's prize, the _Historyof Rotundia_, in his pocket--the one bound in calf, with the Royal armson the cover--and it happened to drop out, and the dragon ate it, so Tomnever got the prize after all. But the dragon, when he had gotten it,did not like it.

  "Perhaps it's all for the best," said Tom. "I might not have liked thatprize either, if I had gotten it."

  It happened to be a Wednesday, so when the Princess's friends were askedwhat they would like to do, all the little dukes and marquises and earlssaid, "Let's go and see the dragon." But the little duchesses andmarchionesses and countesses said they were afraid.

  Then Princess Mary Ann spoke up royally, and said, "Don't be silly,because it's only in fairy stories and histories of England and thingslike that, that people are unkind and want to hurt each other. InRotundia everyone is kind, and no one has anything to be afraid of,unless they're naughty; and then we know it's for our own good. Let'sall go and see the dragon. We might take him some acid drops." So theywent. And all the titled children took it in turns to feed the dragonwith acid drops, and he seemed pleased and flattered, and wagged as muchof his purple tail as he could get at conveniently; for it was a very,very long tail indeed. But when it came to the Princess's turn to givean acid drop to the dragon, he smiled a very wide smile, and wagged histail to the very last long inch of it, as much as to say, "Oh, you nice,kind, pretty little Princess." But deep down in his wicked purple hearthe was saying, "Oh, you nice, fat, pretty little Princess, I should liketo eat you instead of these silly acid drops." But of course nobodyheard him except the Princess's uncle, and he was a magician, andaccustomed to listening at doors. It was part of his trade.

  Now, you will remember that I told you there was one wicked person inRotundia, and I cannot conceal from you any longer that this CompleteBad was the Princess's Uncle James. Magicians are always bad, as youknow from your fairy books, and some uncles are bad, as you see by the_Babes in the Wood_, or the _Norfolk Tragedy_, and one James at leastwas bad, as you have learned from your English history. And when anyoneis a magician, and is also an uncle, and is named James as well, youneed not expect anything nice from him. He is a Threefold CompleteBad--and he will come to no good.

  Uncle James had long wanted to get rid of the Princess and have thekingdom to himself. He did not like many things--a nice kingdom wasalmost the only thing he cared for--but he had never seen his way quiteclearly, because everyone is so kind in Rotundia that wicked spells willnot work there, but run off those blameless islanders like water off aduck's back. Now, however, Uncle James thought there might be a chancefor him--because he knew that now there were two wicked people on theisland who could stand by each other--himself and the dragon. He saidnothing, but he exchanged a meaningful glance with the dragon, andeveryone went home to tea. And no one had seen the meaningful glanceexcept Tom.

  Tom went home, and told his elephant all about it. The intelligentlittle creature listened carefully, and then climbed from Tom's knee tothe table, on which stood an ornamental calendar that the Princess hadgiven Tom for a Christmas present. With its tiny trunk the elephantpointed out a date--the fifteenth of August, the Princess's birthday,and looked anxiously at its master.

  "What is it, Fido--good little elephant--then?" said Tom, and thesagacious animal repeated its former gesture. Then Tom understood.

  "Oh, something is to happen on her birthday? All right. I'll be on thelookout." And he was.

  "By-and-by he began to wander." _See page 29._]

  At first the people of Rotundia were quite pleased with the dragon, wholived by the pillar and fed himself from the bun trees, but by-and-by hebegan to wander. He would creep into the burrows made by the greatrabbits; and excursionists, sporting on the downs, would see his long,tight, whiplike tail wriggling down a burrow and out of sight, andbefore they had time to say, "There he goes," his ugly purple headwould come poking out from another rabbit-hole--perhaps just behindthem--or laugh softly to itself just in their ears. And the dragon'slaugh was not a merry one. This sort of hide-and-seek amused people atfirst, but by-and-by it began to get on their nerves: and if you don'tknow what that means, ask Mother to tell you next time you are playingblind man's buff when she has a headache. Then the dragon got into thehabit of cracking his tail, as people crack whips, and this also got onpeople's nerves. Then, too, little things began to be missed. And youknow how unpleasant that is, even in a private school, and in a publickingdom it is, of course, much worse. The things that were missed werenothing much at first--a few little elephants, a hippopotamus or two,and some giraffes, and things like that. It was nothing much, as I say,but it made people feel uncomfortable. Then one day a favorite rabbit ofthe Princess's, called Frederick, mysteriously disappeared, and thencame a terrible morning when the Mexican lapdog was missing. He hadbarked ever since the dragon came to the island, and people had grownquite used to the noise. So when his barking suddenly ceased it wokeeverybody up--and they all went out to see what was the matter. And thelapdog was gone!

  A boy was sent to wake the army, so that it might look for him. But thearmy was gone too! And now the people began to be frightened. Then UncleJames came out onto the terrace of the palace, and he made the people aspeech. He said: "Friends--fellow citizens--I cannot disguise frommyself or from you that this purple dragon is a poor penniless exile, ahelpless alien in our midst, and, besides, he is a--is no end of adragon."

  The people thought of the dragon's tail and said, "Hear, hear."

  Uncle James went on: "Something has happened to a gentle and defenselessmember of our community. We don't know what has happened."

  Everyone thought of the rabbit named Frederick, and groaned.

  "The defenses of our country have been swallowed up," said Uncle James.

  Everyone thought of the poor army.

  "There is only one thing to be done." Uncle James was warming to hissubject. "Could we ever forgive ourselves if by neglecting a simpleprecaution we lost more rabbits--or even, perhaps, our navy, our police,and our fire brigade? For I warn you that the purple dragon will respectnothing, however sacred."

  Everyone thought of themselves--and they said, "What is the simpleprecaution?"

  Then Uncle James said: "Tomorrow is the dragon's birthday. He isaccustomed to have a present on his birthday. If he gets a nice presenthe will be in a hurry to take it away and show it to his friends, and hewill fly off and never come back."

  The crowd cheered wildly--and the Princess from her balcony clapped herhands.

  "The present the dragon expects," said Uncle James, cheerfully, "israther an expensive one. But, when we give, it should not be in agrudging spirit, especially to visitors. What the dragon wants is aPrincess. We have only one Princess, it is true; but far be it from usto display a miserly temper at such a moment. And the gift is worthlessthat costs the giver nothing. Your readiness to give up your Princesswill only show how generous you are."

  The crowd began to cry, for they loved their Princess, though they quitesaw that their first duty was to be generous and give the poor dragonwhat it wanted.

  The Princess began to cry, for she did not want to be anybody's birthdaypresent--especially a purple dragon's. And Tom began to cry because hewas so angry.

  He went straight home and told his little elephant; and the elephantcheered him up so much that presently the two grew quite absorbed in atop that the elephant was spinning with his little trunk.

  Early in the morning Tom went to the palace. He looked out across thedowns--there were hardly any rabbits playing there now--and then hegathered white roses and threw them at the Princess's window till shewoke up and looked out.

  "Come up and kiss me," she said.

  So Tom climbed up the white rosebush and kissed the Princess through thewindow, and said: "Many happy returns of the day."

  Then Mary Ann began to cry, and said: "Oh, Tom--how can you? When youknow quite well--"

  "Oh, don't," said Tom. "Why, Mary Ann, my precious, my Princess--what doyou think I should be doing while the dragon was getting his birthdaypresent? Don't cry, my own little Mary Ann! Fido and I have arrangedeverything. You've only got to do as you are told."

  "Is that all?" said the Princess. "Oh--that's easy--I've often donethat!"

  Then Tom told her what she was to do. And she kissed him again andagain. "Oh, you dear, good, clever Tom," she said. "How glad I am that Igave you Fido. You two have saved me. You dears!"

  The next morning Uncle James put on his best coat and hat and the vestwith the gold snakes on it--he was a magician, and he had a bright tastein vests--and he called with a cab to take the Princess out.

  "Come, little birthday present," he said tenderly. "The dragon will beso pleased. And I'm glad to see you're not crying. You know, my child,we cannot begin too young to learn to think of the happiness of othersrather than our own. I should not like my dear little niece to beselfish, or to wish to deny a trivial pleasure to a poor, sick dragon,far from his home and friends."

  The Princess said she would try not to be selfish.

  Presently the cab drew up near the pillar, and there was the dragon, hisugly purple head shining in the sun, and his ugly purple mouth halfopen.

  Uncle James said: "Good morning, sir. We have brought you a smallpresent for your birthday. We do not like to let such an anniversary goby without some suitable testimonial, especially to one who is astranger in our midst. Our means are small, but our hearts are large. Wehave but one Princess, but we give her freely--do we not, my child?"

  The Princess said she supposed so, and the dragon came a little nearer.

  Suddenly a voice cried: "Run!" and there was Tom, and he had brought theZoological guinea pig and a pair of Belgian hares with him. "Just to seefair," said Tom.

  Uncle James was furious. "What do you mean, sir," he cried, "byintruding on a State function with your common rabbits and things? Goaway, naughty little boy, and play with them somewhere else."

  But while he was speaking the rabbits had come up one on each side ofhim, their great sides towering ever so high, and now they pressed himbetween them so that he was buried in their thick fur and almost choked.The Princess, meantime, had run to the other side of the pillar and waspeeping around it to see what was going on. A crowd had followed the cabout of the town; now they reached the scene of the "State Function"--andthey all cried out: "Fair play--play fair! We can't go back on our wordlike this. Give a thing and take a thing? Why, it's never done. Let thepoor exiled stranger dragon have his birthday present." And they triedto get at Tom--but the guinea pig stood in the way.

  "Yes," Tom cried. "Fair play is a jewel. And your helpless exile shallhave the Princess--if he can catch her. Now then, Mary Ann."

  Mary Ann looked around the big pillar and called to the dragon: "Bo! youcan't catch me," and began to run as fast as ever she could, and thedragon ran after her. When the Princess had run a half mile she stopped,dodged around a tree, and ran back to the pillar and around it, and thedragon after her. You see, he was so long he could not turn as quicklyas she could. Around and around the pillar ran the Princess. The firsttime she ran around a long way from the pillar, and then nearer andnearer--with the dragon after her all the time; and he was so busytrying to catch her that he never noticed that Tom had tied the very endof his long, tight, whipcordy tail to the rock, so that the more thedragon ran around, the more times he twisted his tail around the pillar.It was exactly like winding a top--only the peg was the pillar, and thedragon's tail was the string. And the magician was safe between theBelgian hares, and couldn't see anything but darkness, or do anythingbut choke.

  When the dragon was wound onto the pillar as much as he possibly couldbe, and as tight--like cotton on a reel--the Princess stopped running,and though she had very little breath left, she managed to say,"Yah--who's won now?"

  This annoyed the dragon so much that he put out all his strength--spreadhis great purple wings, and tried to fly at her. Of course this pulledhis tail, and pulled it very hard, so hard that as he pulled the tail_had_ to come, and the pillar _had_ to come around with the tail, andthe island _had_ to come around with the pillar, and in another minutethe tail was loose, and the island was spinning around exactly like atop. It spun so fast that everyone fell flat on their faces and held ontight to themselves, because they felt something was going to happen.All but the magician, who was choking between the Belgian hares, andfelt nothing but fur and fury.

  And something did happen. The dragon had sent the kingdom of Rotundiaspinning the way it ought to have gone at the beginning of the world,and as it spun around, all the animals began to change sizes. The guineapigs got small, and the elephants got big, and the men and women andchildren would have changed sizes too, if they had not had the sense tohold on to themselves, very tight indeed, with both hands; which, ofcourse, the animals could not be expected to know how to do. And thebest of it was that when the small beasts got big and the big beasts gotsmall the dragon got small too, and fell at the Princess's feet--alittle, crawling, purple newt with wings.

  "The dragon ran after her." _See page 34._]

  "Funny little thing," said the Princess, when she saw it. "I will takeit for a birthday present."

  But while all the people were still on their faces, holding on tight tothemselves, Uncle James, the magician, never thought of holdingtight--he only thought of how to punish Belgian hares and the sons ofgardeners; so when the big beasts grew small, he grew small with theother beasts, and the little purple dragon, when he fell at thePrincess's feet, saw there a very small magician named Uncle James. Andthe dragon took him because it wanted a birthday present.

  So now all the animals were new sizes--and at first it seemed verystrange to everyone to have great lumbering elephants and a tiny littledormouse, but they have gotten used to it now, and think no more of itthan we do.

  All this happened several years ago, and the other day I saw in the_Rotundia Times_ an account of the wedding of the Princess with LordThomas Gardener, K.C.D., and I knew she could not have married anyonebut Tom, so I suppose they made him a Lord on purpose for thewedding--and _K.C.D._, of course, means Clever Conqueror of the Dragon.If you think that is wrong it is only because you don't know how theyspell in Rotundia. The paper said that among the beautiful presents ofthe bridegroom to the bride was an enormous elephant, on which thebridal pair made their wedding tour. This must have been Fido. Youremember Tom promised to give him back to the Princess when they weremarried. The _Rotundia Times_ called the married couple "the happypair." It was clever of the paper to think of calling them that--it issuch a pretty and novel expression, and I think it is truer than many ofthe things you see in papers.

  Because, you see, the Princess and the gardener's son were so fond ofeach other they could not help being happy--and besides, they had anelephant of their very own to ride on. If that is not enough to makepeople happy, I should like to know what is. Though, of course, I knowthere are some people who could not be happy unless they had a whale tosail on, and perhaps not even then. But they are greedy, graspingpeople, the kind who would take four helps of pudding, as likely as not,which neither Tom nor Mary Ann ever did.

  THE DELIVERERS OF THEIR COUNTRY]